15 May 2014

In Which A Bear of Very Little Bollocks Gives A Fahck When It's Not His Turn To Give A Fahck...

WINNIE-THE-PUKE: What I don't understand is...

ERROL'S MATE:  Oy, lissen, right, I ain't gonna go to any court or nuffin'...

WINNIE-THE-PUKE: No, but I mean... why would anyone want to shoot your mate, woss-name?  Isaiah?



ERROL'S MATE:  Snot Bogey.

WINNIE-THE-PUKE:  Well, there you go.  'Is mum called 'im Isaiah, but all 'is mates called 'im "Snot"?

ERROL'S MATE:  Yeah.  It woz coz 'e used to sneeze a lot and wipe it on 'is clothes, know wot I mean?

WINNIE-THE-PUKE: But why would anyone want to shoot 'im?

ERROL'S MATE:  Dunno mate.  We used to kick ther crap out of 'im when 'e stole the pot at our crap game every Saturday.  But we'd never shoot the fahcker.

WINNIE-THE-PUKE:  Let me understand, mate... you lot would play craps every Saturday, put money in ther pot and your mate Snot would steal it all ther time?

ERROL'S MATE:  Yeah.  'E'd play a bit, and when there woz a bit of money in the pot, 'e'd pick it up and run orf wiv it. 

WINNIE-THE-PUKE: Fahckin' 'ell...

ERROL'S MATE:  Then we'd chase 'im and beat ther living crap out of 'im. 

WINNIE-THE-PUKE: And this 'appened every Saturday night?

ERROL'S MATE:  Like fahcking clockwork.

WINNIE-THE-PUKE:  Look, maybe it's just me being a Bear of Very Little Bollocks, but I don't get it mate.  If your mate Snot Bogey always stole the money, why did yer let 'im play in the first place?

ERROL'S MATE:  Fahckin' have to, don't we?  This is Thee 'Undred Anarchist Wood, ain't it?  Home ov Libbertee, Egalitee, Fraternity, and Improbably Named Lager.

(Cut to: Revolutionary Woodland Animals with instrumentsand amplifiers: PUNKLET on rhythm guitar and vocals, CHRISTOPHER ROTTEN on bass, RABID McSYMATOSIS on lead guitar and WINNIE-THE-PUKE on drums.  Punklet steps forward to the mic and sings:)

        When you walk in ther Woods now
        You better take good care
        You don't know who you might find
        Hanging 'round there
        Revolutionary animals
        Smoking Weed, Drinking Beer,
        Keepin' those Heffalumps
        Far away from 'ere!